


Hopeless Wanderer

by icalledherocean



Series: Old Ghosts [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1223281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icalledherocean/pseuds/icalledherocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you ever been in love, Doctor?" The Eleventh Doctor remembers his pink and yellow human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hopeless Wanderer

"Amy," the Doctor began, approaching where she sat on the stairs slowly, the way you do a wounded animal. Maybe she was, everything in her world had just been torn apart and she has absolutely no memory of it. No memory of Rory, her fiancée. The man she really loves. He knows better than anyone the sting of losing someone you love. She looks up at him as he settles beside her. "Everything ok?"

She considers him for a moment, moving her eyes from the glowing time rotor to gaze into his. It’s a minute more before she says anything. “Have you ever been in love, Doctor?”

He frowns, the question seemingly coming out of nowhere for her, but he knows it’s part of her mind trying to bring Rory back. Somewhere, deep inside, she remembers him. Swallowing, he turns away from her. The truthful answer is ‘yes.’ Several times yes, really. But one face stands out in his mind - Rose Tyler. It’s ironic that, as Amy’s mind struggles to bring the memory of Rory Williams back to the surface, his own has been fighting hard to keep the image of his pink and yellow human hidden. The universe has always had a warped sense of humour.

"Doctor?" Amy nudges his leg gently, definitely not giving up after his silence. She knows the answer, now she wants the details.

"Yes," he replies softly. As if the admittance was the dam breaking, Rose floods back to the front of his consciousness. Her blonde hair, the subtle hint of vanilla and something like raspberry that followed her through the TARDIS that he couldn’t escape during the days after Canary Wharf. He closes his eyes and remembers the bright amber of her own, beautiful for any creature.

When he opens his eyes again, Amy is watching him closely. “River?”

The Doctor smiles and shakes his head. “Not this time.” Amy gives him a look that very clearly says she’s surprised but not entirely shocked, a typical Amy look when he reveals his most humany aspects. “Her name was Rose.”

It’s strange, hearing her name with this voice. He’s kept her so distant from his mind ever since the last trip to Bad Wolf Bay. He made his choice, he sent her back to Pete’s World with the meta-crisis, and he had to move on from there. Keeping thoughts of her new life with his double at bay, he focuses on what memories to share with Amy. She was vibrant, brought him back from the dark world he lived in after the Time War. She made the adventure worthwhile again.

"I met her in the basement of a shop she worked in." He smiles. "I blew it up that same night."

Amy laughs, “You blew up a shop?”

He nods. “Not just for fun, I was trying to stop an invasion of autons from taking over London, Amy. Priorities.” She gives him an exaggerated nod, rolling her eyes. “I showed her the most amazing things. Everything I had, it was hers without question.” He stares off into the distance, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"What happened to her? You’ve never mentioned her before." He’s got her now, he knows there’s no turning around in this conversation, and he’ll have to follow completely through with it.

"I left her behind," his voice is low, pained. "So much happened, bad things, and I had to leave her." He takes a deep breath before continuing, "She’s not alone though. She has her family, someone to love that can love her in a way I never could." Amy places her hand on his arm, giving it a small squeeze.

She leaves him after that, alone with his thoughts. He doesn’t move from the stairs for a long time. Now that he’s brought her to the front of his mind, he won’t be able to let go for a while. He’s suddenly glad for the quiet, for not having River with them right this minute. He can’t go back to Rose, he made sure of that when he left her with the meta-crisis. They’ll have a happy life together, one he could never give her. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, willing himself not to go back down this path.

The TARDIS hums softly and he looks up at the console in time to see coordinates flash across the screen. He frowns. “You know I can’t do that.” He stands and walks to the controls, so tempted to just let the TARDIS take the lead, risks be damned if it means one last glance. He waits five minutes before flipping the controls, following the coordinates chosen by his wonderful machine.

When they land, easier than normal, he hesitates before going to the door. He knows what’s waiting outside, knows what could happen if he’s seen by either of them, but he’s going after this anyway. Immediately after he opens the door, the delightful smell of applegrass fills his senses, taking him back to the very day he’s about to witness. New Earth is as beautiful as he remembers, but he also knows being with Rose added to its beauty the first time.

He steps out of the TARDIS and it’s only a few moments before he sees them. Rose’s hair is whipping around in the wind and he smiles as the memory of the two of them lying on his coat comes back to him. He’ll see it in a few minutes, witness how happy he was with this human. Their voices are muffled by the wind, but it doesn’t matter, he knows what they’re saying, can hear it in his own mind clear as the day it happened.

"Where are we, Doctor?" He nearly jumps, so focused on the scene in front of him that he hadn’t noticed Amy approaching.

"New Earth! After the original Earth burned, humans migrated here and made this home." He points toward the city. "That’s New New York."

Amy laughs, “New New York?”

"City so nice they named it twice. Well, fifteen times." His eyes wander back to the couple lying outside the other TARDIS and wonders if he’s saying the same thing to Rose right now.

"Doctor? Who are they?" She gives him a quizzical look. "They have a TARDIS."

He looks down at her then back to his former life. “The stuff of legend.”

She raises an eyebrow and watches them for a moment, the Doctor looks away when he sees the realization hit her. She gives a soft, ‘oh’ and places a hand on his shoulder.


End file.
